Firelight
by Literallyametaphor
Summary: Cloud Wolf's thoughts as he decides to leave Twig again after finding him in Beyond the Deepwoods. This story hasn't been Beta read, so I apologise for any mistakes/ general not-so-great phrasing that may occur


The heat of the fire was slowly fading out. A stiff breeze blew, and all around the sounds of the Deepwoods echoed as a constant cacophony, mingling with the snores of sleeping Sky Pirates.

Only one of them was not asleep. Captain Cloud Wolf sat rigid, as he had done for the last three hours, staring into the embers.

_It couldn't be._

How could it be? The chances were so, incredibly small- not even worth counting. The Deepwoods were so big, and the people so many... It just _couldn't _be.

Yet it was. He had seen it with his own eyes: Maris' shawl, wrapped around the boy's neck.

He had had noticed it just as the boy had been settling down to sleep- but now he wondered if he had not seen it before, without realising. Because he had told them. It was the first time he had ever managed to force the words out. Even when Tweezle, whom he had trusted far more than half of his crew, had asked him all those years ago, he had not told. He liked to pretend it wasn't real.

Even now, it haunted his nightmares. Again and again, he was forced to relive those moments. He could hear Maris' weeping, and feel the cold, clammy air on his face. He could still feel horror and indecision tearing at his heart, threatening to destroy him...

And then there was the long, difficult journey back to Undertown. Her _silence._ The desperate promises whispered in the back rooms of taverns.

"_I'll search for him. I promise, Maris, I promise! I'll find him, I promise I'll find him..."_

And failure. Every godforsaken journey, a failure.

_You left her._ Whispered a nasty voice in his head. _Selfish, cowardly..._

He wasn't sure which part of it was worse. He never had been.

But he'd forgotten. He had cut himself off from every reminder. Even her.

_She didn't want you anymore._ He told himself. _You had failed her. You did her a favour..._

Yes, he'd forgotten. Forgotten and convinced himself in every way he could that he had been right, that all of his decisions had been rational, and for the greater good.

A good Captain. The best Captain.

But now...

Now, this. This strange boy, with his plaited hair and his piercing green eyes...

"Twig Snatchwood." He muttered out loud. The Woodtroll name stuck in his throat and tasted bitter on his tongue.

All the pieces fitted. It all made sense. This boy was... _his son._

He stood up suddenly, and strode as quickly and quietly as he could over to where the boy slept. His face was contented; clearly his dreams were taking him somewhere far better than Cloud Wolf's ever had.

He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to think.

_Surely,_ He mused, _I should be happy?_

He wasn't. He felt overwhelmed. It was if fourteen years worth of emotion had suddenly come crashing down on his head; fourteen years of frustration and anger and bitterness and... loss.

All at once, as he looked down at his sleeping son, he was hit with the full realization of just how much he could have had. How different it might have been.

He paced back round the fire, and sat down, placing his hands over his one good eye. His head was filled with swirling memories, and he could not escape. He could see her face, frozen in grief and disappointment as again, he came back to her with apologies, and not their son.

He could hear his own Father's warm laughter, and soft words.

He could taste ash in the back of his throat. And thick, acrid smoke...

The deep blue of the sky was slowly fading to purples and pinks. Cloud Wolf stood up abruptly, and strode over to where Tem Barkwater lay snoring.

"Tem. Tem!" He shook the sky pirate roughly. "_Tem!"_

He was careful not to raise his voice above a whisper.

"Captain?"

"We're setting sail. I want to be back in Undertown by midday, at the latest. You wake the others, and I'll deal with Muggbutt and Spleethe..."

Tem nodded earnestly. Cloud Wolf stared at him for a moment, hesitant- but then carried on.

"... Only, don't wake the boy. Twig, was it?"

"I believe it was, Captain."

"Yes, well. We don't need another Crew member. And I can't afford to pay anyone else."

Tem looked surprised, even shocked. "You mean... Just don't tell him? Just leave him here, alone in the Deepwoods? Captain, are you sure-"

"Tem!" He barked, then lowered his voice, so as to be sure not to wake Twig himself. "I am the Captain. If I say we're leaving him, we're leaving him."

"Right you are Captain. Sorry Captain..."

Tem rubbed his eyes blearily, and then got to his feet, ambling off to wake Stope Boltjaw.

Cloud Wolf turned away, hoping that Tem had not seen the indecision in his face.

He could not stop thinking as he awoke and unchained a grumbling Spleethe, and a volatile Mugbutt.

_What are you doing? _Screeched a voice in his head. _What in Sky's name are you doing?!_

But he could not stop. He worked with a feverish intensity. He had to leave. _He had to leave._

Before he even knew what he was doing, he was on board the storm chaser. He clutched the helm, feeling the familiar shapes of the wood beneath his fingers, steadying himself.

"All aboard captain!" Tem Barkwater reported.

Cloud Wolf nodded. "Tell the Stone Pilot to give us lift."

Tem disappeared back down to relay his orders.

Only Hubble remained beside the Captain. "Wuh wuh." He grunted. "Tw-uh-g?"

Cloud Wolf ignored him, as the Sky Ship began to lift off into the sky. His hands danced over the levers as they crashed through the canopy, and into the sky above.

He glanced over the side. Below them, he could just see the remains of their fire glowing, and the shape of Twig, still dozing beside it.

_I'm sorry._

"Release the main sail!"

_I'm so sorry._

"Cloud bank, five hundred strides and closing!"

_Please forgive me._

He manoeuvred the ship up and over the cloud. The wind blew into his face, like the whispers of an old friend, but this time it held no comfort for him. He pictured the moment his son awoke. The moment he realised he had been abandoned- again...

He almost looked back. Almost.

But why break the habit of a lifetime?

Cloud Wolf closed his eyes. A thousand images were flashing through his head at lightning speed, and he could not seem to push them out.

_A tall knight, waving as his ship set sail, his smile thin and drawn. Quint would not see him again._

_The spires of Sanctaphrax fading behind dismal fog, receding into the distance. Quintinius Verginix did not care._

_Manic laughter in the Palace of Shadows; Fire. Fire!_

_Intense green eyes, fixed upon him, anger and frustration and hurt burning in their depths..._

"Forgive me," He whispered. "You know I am sorry..."


End file.
